Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize