just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
