I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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