when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
