I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
