when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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