Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
