2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
