Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
