hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
