Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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