doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
