You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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