Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
