I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
