I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
