she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
