You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
