I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
