ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i need some magic done to my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
