i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
