Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
