that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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