New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
