guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
