Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Semen is not good for contacts.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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