I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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