just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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