laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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