I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
