I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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