she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
