Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did i just pee glitter
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
