He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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