mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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