So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We got so high we made milksteak
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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