I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
