Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
