glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
