How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
