i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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