Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
