You can't motorboat a personality
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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