My cat gives me a boner
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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