i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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