This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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