hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
