i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
