let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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