i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
