she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
