it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
