We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
