Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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