Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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