I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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