Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
