You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
