I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize