remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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