she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
