Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
