PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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