i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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