My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
