I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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