There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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