I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
