Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
