Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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