2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were trust falling into bushes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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