Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize