Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
