some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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